As stated by Yo Yo Ma in his essay “Necessary Edges: Arts, Empathy, and Education”, it is believed that art should be integrated into the general learning and education; Turning STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math) into STEAM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Art, and Math). While he argues the point that knowing art and empathy is critical to humans and making advances, Yo Yo Ma also claims “Kids will then go to school because it is a passion and a privilege, not a requirement”. His image may seem great to some, but many, like myself, would be opposed to this idea. Few people in this world have a true passion for art, so making it yet another forced subject in school may deter even more students from being eager to attend classes. Those who don’t have an interest in art would find the subject useless and not worth while. Even those who find art to be an amusing topic may eventually lose interest due to it being required and regulated through teaching.
I like your ideas. I personally did not think of it that way but now reading what you wrote I completely agree. As things become required, it begins to take the enjoyment out of it. It goes from being something you enjoy to something you have to do, which often times takes the enjoyment aspect out of it. Overall I think this is a strong paragraph, good job!
This paragraph is nicely thought out. You did well introducing the quote and it was a well-chosen one. Your ideas and argument are strong and clear once they are mentioned. I think you could mention your argument and opinion in the beginning sentences, before you introduce the quote by Yo-Yo Ma, in order to make your position clear from the start. Also, you mentioned the idea about, “Few people in this world have a true passion for art, so making it yet another forced subject in school may deter even more students from being eager to attend classes.” If this were an actual paper, I would be curious to see how you would refute the counterargument that some students view science, engineering, technology, and math subjects this way too… what if they do not have a true passion for those? Overall, this paragraph was a great example of strong, preliminary writing!